Charlotte’s Flowers

At our house there are three planters hanging from our deck. Over the summer there were herbs and vegetables that I promised I would take care of, but never did, so we pulled them up at the beginning of the fall. My mother in law planted pink and purple pansies the day we found out we were having a girl and assured me that they would last until Charlotte arrived.

These days I vacillate between praying that they last to the spring and fighting the urge to go out there and ripping every single one out of the planter and throwing them in the trash.

Those Who Don’t Know

We have several neighbors who knew I was pregnant, and due to the winter, haven’t seen me since Halloween or when it was still warm outside. I know when spring rolls around and when emotions are going to be riding high and we are closing in on my due date is when we will start running into people and the questions are going to start. I feel like saying, “Oh I was pregnant,” sounds so empty and doesn’t explain what happened. But how do you put a whole week or month or years worth of emotions and grief, sadness and healing into one sentence. Or even one paragraph. And what do I say without going into more detail. “I was pregnant,” doesn’t cut it. But then do I say, “We had a baby who was born at 22 weeks back in December.” I mean, how do I give some sort of reasonable explanation without vomiting on yet another person? And am I going to be able to give some sort of short summary without getting upset? What am I supposed to say?