This past weekend my mom, the boys and I went out of town. We stayed with my aunt in North Carolina and got to see my in-laws, grandfather and a couple of cousins. My sister drove down from Northern Virginia and she, one of my cousins and I ran in a half marathon on Sunday. The weather was beautiful all weekend, the boys were so well behaved, and the race was awesome! I have never run a half that fast (for you non-runners this is called a Personal Record or a PR) and the previous PR I had preceded all pregnancies and I was 25 and 20 pounds lighter, so this was a huge accomplishment. But everything and everyone set me off this weekend.
I was irritated the whole time I was there. Mad at several comments my sister made, on edge around my grandfather (who is 85 and not so great with having his schedule messed with) and annoyed at my mom, my aunt and the boys. Several times I had to do a introspective check to see why I was so aggravated with everyone. I had to remind myself that my grandfather is not used to having two small children around and also in a very set routine which the visit was throwing out the door. I also have to tell myself that my sister is single with no children and can’t really relate to me about most aspects of my life. But I could not help it. I finally sized it up to the fact that I must have been PMSing.
The weekend and this past week went on and no visit from my dreaded “aunt.” I came home, snapped and nagged Brad until he went out of town yesterday, and still could not figure out what was wrong.
Before Brad left he fixed some coffee. We have a new coffee maker that makes ENTIRE POTS of coffee! We’ve gotten so stuck in Keurig land, that using a drip maker has a new novelty to it. I know he was in a hurry and doesn’t know where I keep the bags of coffee, so he grabbed the first one he saw and it happened to be peppermint. I am a tradition kind of girl, so drinking “Candy Cane” coffee in April is not going to fly with me. As I dumped it down the drain, all I could remember was that dreaded December of 2013. I was overcome with memories and sadness, and I couldn’t understand why. We went through an entire month or two of peppermint coffee this past December, so it was weird that I was depressed about it again.
Early last year I reconnected with a friend who has suffered several miscarriages and the first time I saw her after decades of not talking, one of the things that she brought up is how due dates sneak up on her. She said some days or weeks she is in a funk and she will eventually look at a calendar and realize that a due date is coming up. I had texted her about something unrelated this week and her response was “How are you doing? I know this is a tough week for you.”
Charlotte’s due date is today.
I still think about her all the time, but life can get in the way. With the out of town trip, the race, family, an almost seven month old who still doesn’t really sleep all the way through the night, a four year old who is being a four year old, a newish job that has its unique set of demands, time can get away from me. As soon as I heard from my friend, I knew.
Just when you think you have used up all of your “first year” milestones, another sneaks up.